


Weakness

by Gottaread2



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence, Fix-It of Sorts, Gentleness, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Love Confessions, M/M, Maybe a little OOC, Season 3, Suicide Attempt, i don't care
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-23
Updated: 2018-06-23
Packaged: 2019-05-21 12:04:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14915048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gottaread2/pseuds/Gottaread2
Summary: This an alternative scenario for that docks scene where Oswald freezes Ed in season 3. Instead, Edward chooses not to shoot Oswald because I can't get enough angst and I wanted an excuse to write some hurt/comfort. Be warned: Edward is suicidal in this (no character death though/he lives), so if that is an issue for you please do not read.





	1. Chapter 1

They were back at the pier again, with Oswald once more at his mercy. He felt no satisfaction in this despite the false confidence he displayed to the other man. He walked Oswald out to the edge, taking in the surrounding scenery. Gray clouds hung heavy in the air. Birds cried sounding like a mourning song. It began to rain. The choppy, green water reflected his mood, agitated by the potential storm. Edward had always loved this place, this view. In the past, it brought him a sense of calm. Not on this day. Today, he would rather be anywhere else. 

He had said this felt really great. It was a lie. He really didn't know if he could go through with this again. He remembered the morbidly soaking ghost that he had seen during Oswald's absence. The hallucination he'd drugged himself to see just so he could hold on a little longer to his once dear friend. Oswald's first "death" had brought to the surface feelings he was still trying to deny. It wasn’t possible for him to feel that way. Not about someone who had hurt him so badly. And anyway, love was a weakness. He'd learned that the hard way. Edward had been weak. That’s why he needed to become the Riddler. But if Oswald could acknowledge him, say his true name, then maybe things could be different this time. Edward aimed the gun at Oswald, desperately trying to hide the way his hand trembled.

“Any last words?” Edward asked. This was the moment he had waited for. Surely now Oswald's attitude would change. It had to! Becoming the Riddler had been his only way to cope. Oswald would acknowledge him one way or another. It was the only way for him to become strong.

“I'm fine for now.” Oswald replied nonchalantly.

“I beg your pardon?” Edward felt confused by this. It was as though the man did not fear him. Like the threat of his impending demise meant nothing. Edward gripped the gun harder. 

“I'll wait.” Oswald responded.

“I'm going to kill you, Oswald. There is no later,” Edward stated in disbelief, “If you have something to say, now. is. the time.”

“Duly noted,” Oswald answered with the same unnerving calm.

This wasn't right. Edward continued to hold the gun pointed at Oswald, but was quickly losing his nerve. This was definitely not right. He could feel his fragile confidence coming apart. This reaction was completely unexpected. Oswald was supposed to plead with Ed not to kill him. Or maybe, finally, acknowledge him as the better man. Or possibly confess that he was still in love with him. Call his name! Something! But Oswald stood there doing none of these and it was all wrong.

And just like that all his carefully laid plans fell away. Edward sighed, finally letting his hand drop down. His falsely arrogant mask was replaced with the sincere self doubt that lay beneath. Oswald was back... so he wasn't the Riddler. If he wasn't the Riddler who was he? Oswald was supposed to tell him. He needed him to.

“You really have nothing to say?” he questioned sounding more like a plea.

Oswald remained silent. It was humiliating. To go through all the trouble. To become someone even after what he had lost. Yet Oswald continued to show nothing but disdain for him. Like he was beneath him. Like he didn't matter. He clenched his fist. It hurt.

“Then I do.” Edward declared after receiving nothing in answer. Oswald simply stared back at him waiting. Edward took in a shaky breath and attempted to gather his thoughts. 

“I don't really want this.” Edward confessed, “I don't really want you dead. When you were gone last time I… I missed you.”

“Then why are we here, Ed?” Oswald challenged.

"Because you hate me now and if I don't kill you... you're going to kill me." Edward explained, hoping he was wrong. Maybe Oswald would contradict this statement if he let it in the open. Maybe there was still a part of Oswald that cared for him too. He wanted so badly for Oswald's care, approval, and affection. He missed it.

"You're not wrong. I do hate you." Oswald responded in a low tone. Edward felt his heart sink. Oswald was strong, a free man. He'd let go of his love. Edward had tried to let go too. But he couldn't. It hurt so much.

Oswald continued, "After what you did to me, of course I want you dead. So just get on with it."

"Then you leave me no choice." Ed exhaled a shaky breath. 

"So it would seem." Oswald sneered.

His heart was racing. He was weak. Oswald was strong. He was weak. He really couldn't do this again. He was weak. He couldn't let go of Oswald. He was weak. It hurt. He was weak. He knew what he had to do.

“Goodbye, Oswald.”

He lifted the gun to his own head and pulled the trigger.

Click.

_Nothing._

Edward lost all strength and fell to his knees. The gun tumbled from his grasp. Gasping sobs escaped his throat. He was weak. Why wasn't he dead?

Oswald stared at him, mouth agape and eyes wide. Edward stared back, still in shock. He was desparately gulping in air but still felt like he couldn't breath. Hyperventilating. 

"Why am I alive?"

Oswald reached into his pocket with trembling fingers and pulled something out. Bullets fell from his hand and Edward finally understood.

"How did... You knew I would bring you here." He stated with a startled gasp. 

"I know you, Ed." Oswald responded softly, "That's what I thought before. That's why I called them."

He gestured over to his two approaching allies. Edward turned to look. A strangely frosty looking man in some sort of mechanical suit came into view. He carried a strange looking weapon in his hands. Beside him stood the red-headed woman he'd seen with Oswald multiple times before. Oswald hobbled around him lifting a hand to tell them to stand down. Edward remained frozen in place on his knees.

“In the backseat, the pin I used to unlock my cuffs?” He asked, realizing how intricately the trap had been laid. And he'd fallen for all of it. Oswald truly was brilliant. 

“My tie pin. I thought it should be personal.” Oswald nodded. Ever the sentimentalist, Edward thought bitterly.

“You were just trying to make me think I had the upper hand.” Edward whispered hanging his head. He'd never felt more stupid.

“It all fell into place.” Oswald returned in a quiet tone, “Except the end. You were supposed to shoot me…”

Edward buried his face in his hands. Somehow this was worse. He had expected to die by his own hand when he pulled the trigger, not Oswald's. He heard the man's approaching footsteps. Oswald stood directly in front of him. He could feel his eyes on him even though he didn't have the nerve to look up.

“I thought you were so predictable. I never expected…” He heard Oswald sigh, “You know, I could have just killed you, but you were the one time I let love weaken me. I wanted to keep you around as a reminder to never make that mistake again.”

Edward shivered. Then he felt the man's hand under his chin. Oswald gently tilted his face up so that he was looking directly into his eyes. Oswald’s expression was unreadable. Edward squirmed, awaiting his judgement. Oswald's thumb caressed over his jaw. He leaned into the touch wanting whatever final warmth was offered him. Oswald sighed again. He stepped back and offered Edward a hand.

"Come on, Ed. Let's go."

"You're not going to kill me?" Edward asked, grasping the offered hand and getting back to his feet. His legs still felt weak and he couldn't stop them from shaking.

Oswald's expression softened, "No, Ed. I never could."


	2. Chapter 2

Edward was brought back to the Van Dahl Manor. Still in shock from his attempted suicide, he'd docilely allowed himself to be led back to the car by Oswald. He was sat in the pasenger seat and buckled in. Oswald was treating him with care as though afraid he might break. As though Edward _did_ matter to him. They rode in silence, Edward staring blankly down at his hands. He felt numb. He clung to this feeling. He knew in his mind that the numbness was false, a cover up of the strong feelings underneath. But if he allowed himself to feel, he knew he would drown. 

When they got to the mansion, Oswald took him into the sitting room and left him on the couch. Edward watched Oswald go. He was only gone for a brief time and soon reappeared with a towel and blanket in hand. He began to dry off Edward, rubbing the towel into his hair, wiping water droplets from his face. Edward hadn't noticed it before, but he was soaked through from the rain. Once he was reasonably dry, Oswald wrapped the blanket around his shoulders and disappeared again. He was gone longer this time and when he reemerged he was changed out of his own wet clothes, wearing one of his robes. He had another one draped over his arm for Edward.

"Here." Oswald gently dropped the robe into Edward's lap. "I thought you might wish to change into something dry."

Edward nodded quietly taking the offered robe and standing to find the bathroom to change in. Oswald watched him go, the look of worry never leaving his face. Once alone, he shrugged off his clothes and folded them neatly over the sink. As he changed, Edward was careful not to look in the mirror. The last thing he needed was one of his various hallucinations telling him what a mistake he was. That he was a failure, a loser, or worse. It of course didn't stop the voices. He could hear them mocking him. He changed as quickly as he could, having barely slipped on the robe before it became unbearable. He ran from the room, as if any distance would make a difference. He knew better. It wouldn't, but maybe if he wasn't alone.

The hallucinations grew louder and more insistent as he ran. Though he couldn't see them, he heard the voices of Kristen, Isabella, Oswald, and himself. They shouted at him, their messages mixing together and only adding to his confusion and distress.

_"Love is weakness." "You killed me, you will kill him too." "Its only a matter of time."_

"SHUT UP!"

_"Love is about sacrifice!" "Edward." "He has to pay for what he did."_

"NO!" Edward shouted.

_"One cannot deny love." "You are a monster!" "Stop lying to yourself."_

He found himself back in the sitting room. He looked around frantically but saw no sign of Oswald. He panicked.

"OSWALD!"

"Ed?"

Edward turned to see Oswald carrying in a tray with food and some tea. The voices stopped. The relief was instantaneous. Edward let himself fall back onto the couch, sighing with relief. Oswald walked around and set the tray down on a nearby table.

"Ed, are you alright?" Oswald questioned, voice laced with concern.

"I'm fine, Oswald." Edward lied.

Oswald pursed his lips. He wore a skeptical expression but did not pursue the matter further. Instead, he lifted up one of the teacups he had carried in and handed it to Edward.

"Drink this. You must be chilled after..." Oswald hesitated, "being in that rain so long. Wouldn't want to catch a cold."

Edward accepted the offered cup, bringing it to his lips and drinking. The hot liquid was soothing down his throat and filled him with it's warmth. It was the same tea Oswald had made him before, the one from after he saved his life. The memory was bitter like the flavor of the tea, but also with a little sweetness. His hands trembled slightly causing the teacup to clatter against the saucer. Oswald delicately removed it from his grasp and set it aside. The man next handed him a sandwich from the tray and insisted that he eat it. Edward did not much feel like eating but did not have the energy to argue. He complied with the demand, nibbling at it as Oswald took up one of his own. They ate in silence, a sort of tension filling the space between them.

When Oswald was finally satisfied that Edward had eaten enough, he suggested that he get some sleep. He led Edward up the stairs and down the hall to his old room. Edward didn't want to stay there. Too many memories. He didn't have to tell Oswald anything, however, the man could read it from the look on his face.

"Maybe you would like to stay in a different room?" Oswald asked him.

He nodded gratefully wondering how Oswald always seemed to know what he was thinking. What he needed. Wondering why Oswald even cared. What was he even doing here? Why was Oswald letting him stay? Why was he taking care of him? These questions swirled around his mind, round and round, but he was too tired to figure them out. He collapsed onto the bed of the new room. It was soft. But he couldn't relax seeing Oswald about to leave the room.

"Please..." he didn't know what he was asking, but Oswald seemed to understand. He made his way over to him, pulling up a chair to sit by the bed. Seeing him there, Edward was finally able to relax. Despite all common sense, the other man's presence made him feel safe. It really didn't make sense. Only hours ago they had been ready to kill each other. He couldn't really be sure Oswald wasn't plotting something now. It didn't seem to make a difference. He felt reassured with Oswald there. His eyes closed and he soon fell into a deep and dreamless sleep. The best sleep he had had since Oswald's death.


	3. Chapter 3

He woke the next morning feeling, for a moment, completely content before his memory caught up with him. He was in the Van Dahl mansion. Oswald had brought him here after their confrontation at the pier. He had probably planned on killing Edward until he had attempted to kill himself. Instead, he had been brought here and cared for. He remembered falling asleep with Oswald sitting at the side of the bed. He glanced around the room looking for Oswald, but the man was already gone. Looking around, Edward realized that his glasses were missing from his face by the blurriness of his vision. The glasses rested on the bedside table next him, neatly folded. Another sign of Oswald's care. He picked them up and put them back on before leaving the room.

He found Oswald in the dining room eating breakfast at a table set for two. When Edward entered the room, Oswald waved him over and gestured for him to sit. Edward took a seat and Oswald began filling his plate with food. Edward couldn't help but to notice that it was all his breakfast favorites. Had Oswald done that on purpose? Why?

"Why are you being so kind to me?" Edward mumbled, "I thought you hated me."

“I wanted to. Hating you felt right after everything you did to me. And this time it was my turn to kill you but…” Oswald paused, looking at him thoughtfully, “I think I may still love you, Edward.”

Edward peered across the table at Oswald, trying to read his intentions. There was no way Oswald could be serious. Not after everything. Not after he'd shot the man, tossed him away, and left him to die in the river. He must have some hidden motive.

"That doesn't make any sense. I _killed_ you. How could anyone still love somebody like that?" Edward retorted almost angrily, stabbing his fork into a sausage.

Oswald chuckled bitterly, "You did and I probably shouldn't. But my mother once told me, life only gives you one great love. Ed, whether I like it or not you are mine."

"That's ridiculous. Most people have multiple loves throughout their lives. You'll find someone else. Like I did after Kristen." Edward huffed, taking a bite of his food.

"I don't think it works _that_ way for me." Oswald replied in frustration, "I've never felt that way about anyone else. You were the only one!"

Edward stared at him agape. Oswald couldn't be serious. He really never...

"You expect me to believe you never had feelings for anyone else before me?" Edward scoffed.

"Believe it or don't. It's the truth either way." Oswald answered him with a sigh.

Edward fell silent. The only one? So Oswald had never been in love before? Edward contemplated this. Looking back on it, he could now see all the signs of a first crush. The way Oswald doted on him. The strange nervousness he'd observed. That day he had come back to find Oswald in a panic over his absence from their planned dinner. A planned dinner to tell him something important. Oh.

He sat back in his chair stunned. That dinner. Had Oswald meant to tell him then? It was strange to Edward. He had never considered Oswald's feelings seriously before. He thought Oswald was just being possessive. Trying to control him, not love him. But to learn how inexperienced in love Oswald was, he had never imagined it. To realize that Oswald may have tried to tell him, tried to do things the right way, but Edward had been blinded by his own feelings for Isabella. He could imagine how that must have felt. He didn't really need to imagine it. He had felt the same with Kristen. 

Becoming aware of all this shed some light on Oswald's motivations. It explained some things. His actions made more sense now. But that didn't mean what he did was right. He still killed Isabella.

But he had paid for that now, hadn't he? Edward felt tears of guilt well up in his eyes. He was glad Oswald wasn't dead, but he shouldn't be. It wasn't fair to her. He shouldn't be able to move on as he had. It wouldn't be right for him to fall in love again, and with her killer no less.

"I don't expect you to ever return these feelings." Oswald cleared his throat, "But I'm willing to make a truce with you. I will allow you to leave here unharmed with the understanding that this is over. No more attempts to kill me and no more threatening me to call you Riddler. Deal?"

Oswald held out his hand to shake with Edward. Edward looked down at the offered hand trying to make sense of what Oswald had said. He'd still been lost in his own thoughts when the other man spoke.

"No. I don't want that." Edward muttered.

Oswald's shoulders slumped, as he glared down at the table. He didn't look back up at him, but Edward could see the heartbroken look on his face. Oswald gritted his teeth in frustration, "Fine! Just get out!"

"Let me finish..." Edward remained, taking hold of Oswald's hand, "I don't want that because I want to stay with you. I don't want to leave, Oswald."

Oswald looked back up at him then, a look of wonder in his eyes. Edward felt in awe. How was it that Oswald could look at him that way? Like he was the only person in the world. It made him feel weak. It made him feel powerful. It pushed aside his doubts. 

"It scares me, but I think I may love you too." Edward grinned. 

With those words, he drew closer to Oswald, pressing his palm to the other man's cheek. He caressed his face just wanting the warmth of the touch. Oswald leaned into it, his eyes fluttering closed. Encouraged by the response, Edward moved forward, finally giving in to a desire he had tried so hard to deny. They kissed. It was soft and unsure. They moved against each other like the connection between them was as fragile as gossamer string. Maybe it was. They had both hurt and been hurt by one another. Healing the damage would not be easy. But Edward did not think about that as he continued to kiss Oswald. He did not think at all.


End file.
